A Lost Art: Gratitude

My mother had some pretty strict rules about being grateful for gifts. You had to:

• Thank the giver in person, or
• Write a thank you note.

Preferably both. Although we were only forced to write notes to those we hadn't thanked in person. Calling someone was great, but gratitude was not complete until one of the items above was checked off.

My mother-in-law, I found out after my marriage, was a little more strict. The thank you note was not optional, even if you had thanked the giver in person. The first Christmas I attended at her home was accompanied by an avalanche of thank you cards in the afternoon - even from his teenage brothers. And I thought, "if they can do it, so should I".

Ever since, I've been pretty good about it. There are exceptions:

• Last year. Don't know what happened, but I still have the list of people to thank. Pathetic.
• My wedding. I know what happened here: we moved four times in the first six months of marriage, and the list of givers was lost. I tried to send cards to anyone I remembered, but my memory is a sieve...much more falls through than remains. I found that list, about 10 years later. 

These days, we have email. I'm not sure if my mom would say that counts or not. For me, it certainly does, especially when I'm the giver...it lets me know, first and foremost, that my gifts were received. Since I ship a lot of gifts, this is big for me. I certainly don't want to wonder if people thought I just forgot them!

Let's put this whole thing in perspective: A loved one (or maybe not, whatever) goes to the trouble to not only think of you, but also to buy a gift that they hope you will like, wrap it (or not), and deliver it. Takes a little more than a minute or two, as you and I both know. Sometimes, it takes weeks. Months. The entire year.

As a return to them for all this time and energy they expended on your behalf, you take five minutes - maybe more, maybe less - and type them an email or write a card and stamp it. They now know that the gift has been received, and that you are grateful for the effort and thought that went into the gift. They even know, maybe, how it's being used (for money and gift card gifts, perhaps) and how much you like it (always tactfully stated).

Here's my secret: as we are travelling anywhere for Christmas merriment, be it to the church or to a family get-together, I take along my cards and my list and make out thank you cards. The kids are strapped in, and although they can bother me, they can't jump on me or tug the cards out of my grasp. I can only usually get a few done before taking a break - car sickness sucks - but I manage to get most or all of them done that way. I know, doesn't work so much if you're the driver, but maybe it will give you an idea.

Obviously, I prefer the hand-written note...but that is because I love getting mail that is neither an advertisement or a bill. So I assume others are pretty much the same on that count.

So here's my challenge to everyone in blog-land: write a note. Email or text or card...whatever works for you. Just let people know that you are grateful for that gift. Or even just grateful for a hello on an especially bad day. It will make their day, and it will also make yours. Seriously.